Hi there, so I'm going to make this as short and sweet as possible, because I don't wanna take up too much time with my words here, I'm excited, and scared shitless all at once so just hear me out. You might've seen my art floating around the internet from back in like....what uhh 2009? I'll give you an example, I know it's cringe oh my god is it cringe, I don't need you to tell me that, but ur welcome to if ur like funny about it! Anyways here's an exaMPLE EUGH
I don't wanna go into things about who that character is, or whatever, not just yet- I just want to give some clarity as to
why I asked for your attention in that regard.
I want another chance, to prove to whoever recognizes me, that I too have grown and changed as a person. I'm still very terrified because I'm still making mistakes. I'm still under a lot of stress for so many reasons and more that I just won't get into outside of the surface level being having to come to terms with the absolute piece of shit I used to be, and had the capacity to be. I just wanna say from the bottom of my heart I apologize if I ever did anything that cut you down, or made you feel lesser. I'm ready to put that past me. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I don't want to be forgotten. I wanna argue, I wanna be loud, I wanna be obnoxious, I want to EXPRESS and not feel fucking judged for it.
I want people to trust that I still have morals beyond the FUCKED up shit I like to draw or think about. I wanna dip my toes into things, see what I like, see what I hate, USE REFERENCES WITHOUT feeling like a fucking theif, or like I'm not privledged enough to do so. It's a lot, and like I said no one needs to know the dirty deets of what's going on in my life. Now that I've come to understand so much about media, actions, reactions, how people function, how I function, how to approach fixing mistakes, how to use more gentle language, how to be funny and not go out of my way to offend, what I like about certain things and why, and how to not respond in irrational anger. I finally know what rising trauma looks like, and what it can do to a person in so many different ways, and I'm honestly kind of excited to explore that. I feel like I can finally cope with humor and many a things. I finally feel safe to cope with lots of things in not so fun and humorous ways. I now have a deep seeded fear response! Which isn't great but I'm trying my best here. I'm hoping to remove that with therapy, and this right here.
Anyways. That's that on that and I look forward to working with you all in the future.
If I can get any sort of reception on this post as vauge, and possibly foreboding I'll slap that NG label on my everything and wear it like a badge of fucking honor.
I'm gonna be upfront here about this, because this has become a solid constitution for me, and I'm not entirely sure I'm gonna budge any time soon, but do not expect me to talk to you if you're younger than 19 and even 19 is pushing it. I don't need to go into detail as to why but I don't vibe with kids on so many levels so try not to take it personally. I HOPE to see you guys in the future!